I recently had the honor of giving the faculty/staff closing toast at the McCombs Black Alumni Association’s Annual Gala, By Design.
As I prepared for the evening, I kept coming back to a simple idea:
The grass is greener where you water it.
It reminded me of something I learned years ago as a supervisor.
It is easy to lead by looking for what needs to be fixed.
The missed detail. The mistake. The deadline that wasn’t met. The thing someone could have done differently.
And if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ll find it.
But what happens when we intentionally look for something else?
The strength someone brings naturally.
The way they make others feel seen.
The initiative they take without being asked.
The thing they do so well that they may not even recognize it as a strength.
What if, as leaders, we became just as intentional about catching people doing something right as we are about catching them doing something wrong?
What We Look For Matters
This is one of the places where my work with the Resilience Tree™ continues to shape how I think about leadership.
A tree grows through what is tended.
And people do, too.
When we notice someone’s strengths, name them, and encourage them to use those strengths more intentionally, we are doing more than giving a compliment.
We are helping someone see what they bring.
We are helping them recognize possibilities.
We are creating opportunities for them to grow from what is already there.
That doesn’t mean we ignore what needs to be addressed.
Accountability matters.
Feedback matters.
Sometimes something needs to be corrected, challenged, or pruned.
But if the majority of what someone hears from us is what they are doing wrong, we shouldn’t be surprised when they begin to define themselves by what they believe they are getting wrong.
What we consistently notice, we reinforce.
And what we reinforce has the opportunity to grow.
This is why strengths-based leadership matters to me.
I’m not talking about pretending everything is positive or avoiding difficult conversations. I’m talking about developing the discipline to see the whole person—not just the problem in front of us.
Because sometimes the very quality we are trying to correct is connected to a strength that hasn’t yet been fully understood or directed.
The person who asks too many questions may be deeply curious.
The person who wants to keep refining something may have a drive for excellence.
The person who notices every detail may bring a level of thoughtfulness others miss.
The question becomes:
How do we help people learn where their strengths serve them—and where they may need to be tended differently?
What Are You Watering?
Whether you are leading a team, raising children, building a business, nurturing a relationship, or simply trying to grow into the next version of yourself, it is worth paying attention to what is receiving your energy.
Ask yourself:
What am I looking for?
What am I watering?
What am I reinforcing?
Whose strengths am I noticing and naming?
Where might I be spending more energy correcting than cultivating?
And perhaps the most important question:
What could grow if I gave it more attention?
We don’t control every condition in which we grow.
But we can become more intentional about what we tend.
That is part of what By Design means to me.
Not designing every outcome.
Not controlling every circumstance.
But becoming more intentional about what we notice, what we nurture, what we strengthen, and what we allow to grow.
The grass is greener where you water it.
So this week, pay attention to what you’re watering.
And then ask yourself:
Is that what you want to grow? 🌱
The Living the Resilience Tree™ newsletter explores the everyday practices, relationships, strengths, and conditions that help people grow and thrive.
If this way of thinking about leadership resonates with you, I’d love to bring the Resilience Tree™ to your team or organization through a keynote, workshop, retreat, or facilitated experience.
And for a deeper exploration of the framework, The Resilience Tree™: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them is available now.