I recently had the honor of giving the faculty/staff closing toast at the McCombs Black Alumni Association’s Annual Gala, By Design.
As I prepared for the evening, I kept thinking about what it means to be “by design.”
Not just the careers we build.
Not just the lives we create.
But the things we naturally bring with us, and what happens when those things don’t always fit the environment around us.
We each have certain talents, perspectives, experiences, and ways of seeing the world.
There are things we notice that other people might miss.
Things we question.
Things we do naturally well.
And sometimes, those very things that set us apart can also get us into trouble.
Your intensity might be called “too much.”
Your curiosity might be called “challenging.”
Your drive might be mistaken for impatience.
Your willingness to ask questions might make people uncomfortable.
But what if the thing that has been labeled a problem is also connected to something that makes you valuable?
The goal isn’t to become something else.
That’s where I see a connection to the Resilience Tree™.
A thriving tree doesn’t grow by trying to become a different kind of tree.
It grows by developing what it already has, and by having the conditions it needs to flourish.
Our roots help ground us in who we are and what nourishes us.
Our branches connect us to the people who witness, support, and hold us accountable.
Our fruit reflects what we contribute, the boundaries we establish, and the legacy we create.
And all of it exists within an ecosystem.
The conditions matter.
That means resilience isn’t only about what we carry within ourselves.
It’s also about what surrounds us.
Sometimes we need to strengthen our roots.
Sometimes we need better support.
Sometimes we need boundaries.
And sometimes, the work isn’t to change the person.
It’s to examine the environment.
As leaders, that distinction matters.
It is easy to look at someone who doesn’t fit the expected mold and immediately ask:
“What do they need to change?”
But another question might be:
“What strength might I be seeing, and how might we create the conditions for it to be used well?”
A person who asks a lot of questions may be challenging the status quo.
Or they may be bringing curiosity and thoughtful analysis.
Someone who pushes for a higher standard may be difficult to satisfy.
Or they may have a deep commitment to excellence.
Someone who sees details others miss may slow things down.
Or they may be protecting the quality of the work.
The point isn’t to put a positive spin on every behavior.
Strengths still need to be understood, refined, and tended.
But if we only focus on what needs to be fixed, we can miss what needs to be cultivated.
So what does this mean for leadership?
It means we have a responsibility to become curious about the people we lead.
Not just:
What do they need to improve?
But also:
What do they naturally bring?
Where does that strength serve them well?
Where might it need to be refined?
What conditions help it flourish?
And perhaps most importantly:
Am I creating an environment where people can bring their strengths to the work—or am I continually asking them to become someone else?
Because people don’t all need the same conditions to grow.
And leadership isn’t about making everyone grow the same way.
It’s about understanding what is already there, helping people tend it well, and creating conditions where they have room to grow.
A few questions to consider
For yourself:
- What sets me apart?
- What have I been told is “too much” about me?
- Where does that quality serve me well?
- What might that strength need from me to flourish?
For the people you lead:
- What strengths am I noticing?
- What qualities might I be interpreting as weaknesses without getting curious about what is underneath them?
- Am I giving people opportunities to use what they naturally do well?
For the environment:
- What does this culture reward?
- What does it unintentionally discourage?
- Whose strengths are easily recognized here?
- Whose strengths might be misunderstood?
- What could I change about the environment rather than asking the person to change?
We can’t control every condition in which we grow.
But we can become more intentional about understanding ourselves, tending what we have been given, and creating conditions where people can flourish.
You are already made by design.
The work isn’t becoming someone else.
It’s learning what you’ve been given, understanding where it serves you, tending it well—and deciding how you will use it.
Because the goal isn’t simply to grow.
It’s to grow in ways that allow you (and the people around you) to thrive. 🌱
Living the Resilience Tree™ explores the everyday practices, relationships, strengths, and conditions that help people grow and thrive.
If this way of thinking about leadership resonates with you, I’d love to bring the Resilience Tree™ to your team or organization through a keynote, workshop, retreat, or facilitated experience.
And for a deeper exploration of the framework, The Resilience Tree™: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them is available now.