“Your body may respond first—but your resilient self gets to ask for clarification.
In Gallup’s research on what followers need most from leaders, four qualities rise to the top:
🔹 Trust 🔹 Compassion 🔹 Stability 🔹 Hope
These aren’t just things others need from us—they’re things we must cultivate within ourselves if we want to lead with clarity and courage.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how easily self-trust can get confused with instinct. And how instinct isn’t always a sign of wisdom—it can also be a trauma response dressed up as intuition.
Let me explain.
The Time I Said “No” (But I Was Really Just Scared)
A while back, I was invited to speak at a conference. It was a room I’d been preparing for my whole career—mission-aligned, heart-aligned. But my gut said no.
I told myself it wasn’t the right timing. That I needed more prep. That I should wait until I felt more ready.
- But the truth? It wasn’t wisdom. It was fear.
- It was a freeze response—a trauma echo that whispered,
- “You’re not good enough. You’ll embarrass yourself. Better to stay safe.”
- That “gut feeling” wasn’t my intuition. It was my nervous system in protection mode.
The Resilience Tree: A Model for Discernment
In my Resilience Tree model:
- Your Roots are what ground and nourish you: your values, your joy practices, your identity-affirming spaces, and how you restorative your energy.
- Your Branches are your valued relationships: your collaborators,
But here’s the catch: both Roots and Branches require self-trust to grow.
And self-trust takes discernment.
Because not every strong feeling is a wise signal. Sometimes your body is remembering something hard. Sometimes your mind is protecting you from a risk that looks like the past. Sometimes your “no” is really a “yes” that feels unfamiliar.
Gut Check: Wisdom, Fear, or a Trauma Response?
When you’re faced with a big decision—or even a small one that feels big—try pausing and asking:
- Am I grounded in my values right now, or reacting from fear?
- Is this “no” rooted in wisdom… or is it a freeze, fight, flight, or fawn response?
- Is my gut telling me the truth—or just keeping me safe?
Trust isn’t about always knowing the answer. It’s about building a practice of pausing, checking in, and choosing with clarity.
Why This Matters for Leaders
When we can tell the difference between instinct and insight, we lead with more:
- Stability — We’re not tossed around by fear.
- Trust — We show up consistently and transparently.
- Compassion — We give grace to our past selves and others still in process.
- Hope — We choose growth over comfort, even when it’s hard.
This is what living the Resilience Tree looks like in action.
Go Deeper
This practice—and others like it—are in my new book, Resilience Tree: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them. It’s for those of us navigating leadership with lived experience, generational wisdom, and deep-rooted brilliance.
Reflection Prompt
How do you tell the difference between your gut saying “this isn’t safe” and your fear saying “this feels hard”?
Hit reply and comment. I would love to hear how you navigate this.
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Aloha! I am Dr. Shauna T. Sobers! A Scholar Post Secondary Practitioner, International Leadership Speaker, Gallup Certified Clifton Strengths Coach, Author of Resilience Tree: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them, Host of Empowering YOU! A strengths-based Podcast for Leaders of Leaders, Qualified Administrator of Intercultural Conflict Styles and Intercultural Development Inventory, as well as an Afro-Latin Partnered Dance Instructor! I inspire those who are invested in their growth.
Order my books: https://shaunatsobers.com/books/
Book me to speak: https://tinyurl.com/BookDrSobers