“Speak to yourself like someone you are responsible for leading.” ~ adapted from Jordan Peterson
Whose Voice Is It, Really?
The voice within. You know it—the one that speaks up before you do.
Sometimes it’s bold and affirming. Other times, it whispers doubts that echo louder than truth.
And too often, it’s not even your voice!
It’s the voice of someone else’s expectation, disappointment, or control. It’s a coach’s critique, a parent’s pressure, or a boss’s bias. It’s the internalized legacy of systems that told us to shrink.
What Is Self-Talk?
Self-talk is the constant narration happening in your mind. It helps you interpret, process, and respond to the world.
But here’s the thing:
Your self-talk doesn’t just reflect your reality. It shapes it!
What you repeatedly tell yourself becomes the foundation of how you lead, love, and live. It informs your decisions, your confidence, your relationships… and your trust in yourself.
The Resilience Tree & Trust
I created a model to help women leaders of color and those that support them to build up their resilience in workplaces that are not historically designed for them to advance in executive leadership positions.
The tree serves as a metaphor with for interconnected parts: Roots, Branches, Fruit, and Environment – each representing an aspect of what it takes to thrive, not just survive.
Here’s how each part contributes to trust-building:
- Your Roots (your values, activities that bring you joy, and healing spaces) anchor you in truth.
- Your Branches (your support systems, champions, and that believe in you when you doubt) stretch outward from that truth.
- Your Fruit (your outcomes, lessons learned, influence, and boundary setting) checks your allign that you are living in your truth.
- Your Environment (your workplace culture and systems that impact your growth) affirms that your truth matters.
But here’s the hard truth:
You can’t bear healthy fruit if the soil is full of shame.
You can’t grow strong branches if your roots are watered with self-doubt.
If your internal narrative is poisoned—or neglected—it’s hard to trust yourself, let alone others.
This is why tending to the voice within matters. The stories you tell yourself shape how you show up, lead, and respond under pressure.
What Self-Talk Often Sounds Like
Let’s be honest, self-talk for many women of color in leadership is a tug-of-war between two voices:
| Protective Self-Talk | Grounded Self-Talk |
| “Don’t mess this up.” | “You’re prepared for this.” |
| “Stay quiet—don’t rock the boat.” | “Your voice brings clarity.” |
| “Say yes so you don’t look ungrateful.” | “It’s okay to have limits.” |
| “They’re going to find out you don’t belong.” | “You’re already showing you do.” |
Why This Matters for Leadership
Self-talk becomes your internal leadership voice. And that voice either builds or breaks trust, one of the 4 Needs of Followers found in Gallup’s Global Leadership Report.
If you don’t trust yourself, how can others?
When self-talk is harsh, you micromanage, over-apologize, or stay stuck in perfectionism. When it’s grounded, you lead with clarity, compassion, and presence.
Healthy self-talk is a leadership strategy.
A Practice to Try: From Critic to Coach
Next time you notice negative self-talk, ask:
- “Is this voice helping me grow or trying to keep me safe?”
- “What would I say to a friend in this exact moment?”
- “How can I reframe this to reflect truth, not fear?”
This isn’t about toxic positivity or ignoring your feelings. It’s about learning to parent yourself, coach yourself, and champion yourself, because that’s what leaders do.
Reflection Prompts
- What’s one phrase you say to yourself often? Is it grounding you—or guarding you?
- What do you want your internal voice to say instead?
Comment or send me a direct message, I would love to hold space for your real-time rewrites.
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Written by Dr. Shauna T. Sobers, author of Resilience Tree: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them