When I was first asked to lead a high-stakes project early in my career, I said yes immediately. The ask came from someone I respected — a senior leader with a big vision.
But as the weeks went on, something felt… off.
I realized later it wasn’t the work itself. It was how I had been invited into it.
There was no real conversation about expectations, boundaries, or even whether I had the capacity to take this on. Saying no didn’t feel like an option, and because of that, I never felt fully safe or empowered in the partnership.
But if I’m honest, it wasn’t all on the leader either.
As the follower, I could have asked for more time to think about it. I could have asked better questions to understand what was really being asked of me, or sought advice from a mentor about whether it was a good fit.
Instead, I assumed I had to say yes — and those unspoken assumptions set both of us up for dissatisfaction later.
The relationship became strained, and trust began to erode before we even got started. Looking back, I see now that both of us contributed to that erosion:
- The leader didn’t create space for questions, boundaries, or even the possibility of a “no.”
- And I didn’t claim my own agency as a follower. I could have asked for more time to think, requested clarity, or sought advice before saying yes.
Trust isn’t one-sided; it is co-created. It’s built or eroded through the choices made by all those involved in the partnership.
🌱 The Power of the Invitation
That experience taught me something I’ll never forget:
✨ Trust doesn’t begin with the first task or deliverable. Trust begins with the invitation.
It’s how a leader asks someone to join a project, offers feedback, or proposes a new idea. It’s ALSO how a follower accepts, declines, or defers their response.
Too often in organizations, people assume that because of a person’s title, role, or position in the hierarchy, compliance and consent are automatic. That those with less formal authority and decision making power must acquiesce, suppress their voice, and accept decisions without question.
But they’re not.
There is ALWAYS a choice — whether that choice is recognized, acknowledged, or given space by others or by ourselves.
As followers, we may hesitate to exercise this choice because of cultural expectations, fear, financial concerns, or the discomfort of uncertainty.
Yet, honoring that agency is essential for building authentic trust and healthy partnerships.
Even within workplace dynamics, individuals retain agency and the right to set boundaries, ask clarifying questions, or request time to consider, all while maintaining respect for both the leader and themselves.
When invitations feel pressured or transactional, trust begins to wither before the work even starts. When invitations honor autonomy and agency, trust takes root and begins to grow.
🌳 Who Are You Inviting Into Your Tree?
In the Resilience Tree Model, the Branches are about relationships. They’re how you reach toward others and how they reach toward you.
Not every voice deserves access to to your inner world or information.
As a leader:
- Who are you intentionally inviting to partner with you?
- Are you creating space for others to choose whether or not to be part of your ecosystem?
As a follower:
- Who do you trust to offer you honest feedback, encouragement, or challenge?
- Who has earned the right to be Branch that you lean on?
The right people:
✅ See your potential and want to help you grow.
✅ Offer feedback as a gift, not as a weapon.
✅ Respect your boundaries and honor your values.
The wrong people:
❌ Drain your energy and undermine your confidence.
❌ Critique without care or context.
❌ Expect access to your time, energy, or ideas without consent.
You get to decide who becomes a Branch of your Resilience Tree — and how you choose to respond when they do.
Leadership Reflection Prompts:
- How do you invite others into partnership?
- Do your invitations create space for people to say no or ask for clarity?
- Who in your life do you trust to as Branches — from whom you accept help, encouragement, or feedback?
This post is part of my Resilience Tree Leadership Series, inspired by Gallup’s Global Leadership Report on the 4 Needs of Followers: Trust, Stability, Compassion, and Hope.
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Aloha! I am Dr. Shauna T. Sobers! A Scholar Post Secondary Practitioner, International Leadership Speaker, Gallup Certified Clifton Strengths Coach, Author of Resilience Tree: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them, Host of Empowering YOU! A strengths-based Podcast for Leaders of Leaders, , Qualified Administrator of Intercultural Conflict Styles and Intercultural Development Inventory, as well as an Afro-Latin Partnered Dance Instructor! I inspire those who are invested in their growth.
Order my books: https://shaunatsobers.com/books/
Book me to speak: https://tinyurl.com/BookDrSobers
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RESOURCES
- Gallup. (2024, May 23). Global Leadership Report: What Followers Want. Gallup. https://www.gallup.com/analytics/656315/leadership-needs-of-followers.aspx Gallup’s study of over 10,000 followers worldwide identified four essential needs that followers seek from their leaders: trust, compassion, stability, and hope. These findings underscore the importance of leaders providing honesty, respect, care, and a clear direction to effectively engage and support their teams.
#ResilienceTree #Leadership #ProfessionalGrowth #Trust #Branches #Gallup #CliftonStrengths
Note: Drafting assistance provided by OpenAI’s ChatGPT. The thoughts & stories are my own.