Living the Resilience Tree Model in the Workplace

I once had a team member publicly challenge a decision I made in a meeting.

Immediately, my body went into fight mode. My heart raced, my voice tightened, and I felt an urge to defend myself, prove my point, and push back hard.

For a moment, I wasn’t thinking strategically. I was reacting from a place of survival.

That’s the fight trauma response! It’s when the nervous system perceives threat and prepares to confront it. It can show up in the workplace as confrontation, defensiveness, or an overwhelming need to control outcomes.

What the Fight Response May Look Like at Work

Fight isn’t just being assertive or passionate; it’s the body’s alarm system in action.

In professional spaces, it may look like:

Reacting strongly to feedback or criticism
Interrupting or dominating conversations to defend yourself
Escalating conflict instead of seeking resolution
Feeling angry or irritable when safety or competence feels threatened

It’s not weakness; it’s a survival instinct signaling that your nervous system feels at risk.

The Neuroscience of Fight

When the brain perceives threat, the amygdala triggers the sympathetic nervous system, flooding the body with adrenaline and cortisol.

This prepares muscles and mind to confront danger, while temporarily suppressing reasoning and empathy in the prefrontal cortex.

It’s important to remember that not every strong reaction or pushback is a trauma response. The difference lies in survival mode.

In a trauma-triggered fight response, your body perceives danger—real or not—and reacts automatically to protect you.
In intentional leadership, you may challenge ideas, advocate for yourself, or hold others accountable from a place of clarity and choice, not fear.

Recognizing whether your reaction comes from survival or intention is the first step to responding with compassion, for yourself and others.

When Racism and Sexism Intensify the Fight Response

For women leaders of color, the fight trauma response often goes beyond personal triggers. It is compounded by systemic realities.

Racism and sexism can fuel the need to fight harder in order to be seen, heard, or taken seriously.

This might look like:

Constantly proving your worth because your competence is questioned more than others’.
Pushing back on microaggressions in the moment, because silence feels like surrender.
Hyper-preparedness for meetings or presentations, anticipating bias before it happens.
Protecting others, especially colleagues from underrepresented groups, because you know how isolating bias can feel.

In these cases, the fight response is not just about survival, it becomes a form of resistance. And while it can be empowering, it also takes a toll on energy and wellbeing if not balanced with rest, support, and trust.

The Aftermath of a Fight Response

The fight response doesn’t end when the moment passes. Often, what follows is a residue of self-questioning and regret:

Replaying the situation over and over.
Asking yourself, “Did I overreact?”
Feeling the sting of a “vulnerability hangover” after showing strong emotion.
Beating yourself up instead of giving yourself compassion.

Here is the take-a-way: Your initial reaction may not be about the exact words or event. It may have been the build-up of stress, bias, or past experiences that tipped the scale.

What matters most is not perfection in the moment, but what you do after.

A healthy path forward includes:

Forgiveness: for yourself and the humanity of your reaction.
Acknowledgment: share your experience with a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach rather than carrying it alone.
Perspective checking: Ask yourself, “What really got me there?” and “What was the trigger beneath the surface?“
Reserving judgment: of yourself and of others. Sometimes, allowing space before assigning meaning helps prevent overwhelm.
Deep breathing: The NAVY Seals use box or 4×4 breathing to override the nervous system and self regulate.

All in all, remember to extend the same compassion to yourself that you so often extend to others.

Living the Resilience Tree Model

Here’s how to apply the Resilience Tree when fight shows up:

🌱 Roots (rest, refuel, and connect with people or spaces that reflect your identity and passions)
Grounding practices—like pausing, breathing, or checking in with a trusted community—help you step back and regain perspective before reacting.

🌳 Branches (those who believe in you, challenge you, and open doors for you)
Branches help you move from reactive to intentional action. They can give honest feedback, hold up mirrors, or guide you toward constructive responses instead of defensive ones.

🍎 Fruit (Boundaries & Pause)
Use fight as a signal to set clear boundaries: “I hear your concern, and I need a moment to process before responding.” Pausing gives space for thoughtful action rather than reflexive reaction.

☀️ Environment (Systems & Culture)
A culture that encourages psychological safety reduces unnecessary fight triggers. Clear communication, predictable processes, and trust help prevent the nervous system from feeling threatened in the first place.

Why This Matters for Leadership

Gallup’s Needs of Followers research shows that people look for trust, compassion, stability, and hope in their leaders. When leaders act from fight, it can damage trust—team members may feel unsafe, unheard, or undervalued.

But when we live the Resilience Tree, we transform fight into purposeful, aligned action:

Trust in ourselves to respond thoughtfully rather than react.
Trust in Branches to challenge and support our growth.
Trust in our Environment to foster psychological safety and collaboration.

Living the Resilience Tree is about moving from reactive survival to empowered leadership presence.

Reflection for Leaders

The next time you notice yourself—or someone on your team—in fight mode, ask:

Is this fight about the present, or is it my body responding to past threat?
Which Roots, Branches, Fruit, or Environment supports can help me respond intentionally?
How can I live the Resilience Tree in this moment to rebuild trust?

Subscribe for more reflections on resilience, leadership, and thriving as women of color and allies.

And if you’d like to go deeper, my new book Resilience Tree: A Model for Women Leaders of Color and Those Who Support Them is available now at www.shaunatsobers.com/books.